Piranha & Ponzi Alert

Here we go again, growing yet another dangerous species. You're probably thinking attorneys, politicans, elected officials, but no... although certainly one could easily draw comparisons.

This as Palm Beach proudly presents it's very own piranha lake of horrors, up in Palm Springs, where two or three red bellied sharp toothed piranhas were recently reeled in. Wildlife officials who are up to their necks with pythons and gators dumped a nuke sized amount of poison into a pond trying to wipe out the fanged little critters. Given their success rate with other reptiles and amphibians we all may want to avoid wiggling toes and jiggly parts in lakes for the next few months...along with avoiding shark toothed attorneys selling Ponzi schemes while buying politician dreams.

So who do you think is busier these days...Wildlife authorities or the FBI?

Pythonritasville

In case you haven't heard South Florida is deputizing Python Posses to start taking out the golden giants of the Everglades.

Fearing that pythons might find their way to Tallahassee has Florida lawmakers in a tizzy, with options ranging from wild shoot outs to cook outs down here in the swamps. Cook out seems more likely as park rangers voice concerns over the number of armed crazies running around in the glades, & want take all the fun out of it by coming up with squads of trained python assassins. Party Poopers. Senator Bill Nelson's office voiced concerned that "Bounty hunting conjures up an image of `Come one, come all' and go out and start shooting around like Dick Cheney for $50 a head." Amazing how even pythons will bring out the partisan.

Nevertheless, Central Florida has Gatorland so why not a Miami Pythonville to boost local economy. Visions of snake sushi with a cold glass of pythonquila complete with tail down on South Beach are just the beginning...think of all the barbecue shacks in Homestead! Everyone has ideas.

Even Governor Crist has miraculously come out (well not completely out if that's what you were thinking) & voiced his concern that "we need to do something".

That should call for no less than a python shrine.

Florida Tourists Come First

Where oh where have the international tourists gone? Florida tourism officials are losing millions and as a result a few thousand jobs from loss of these unicorn visitors.

International visitors stay longer, spend more moula at places like Sawgrass Mall, even if we residents just laugh ourselves sick at anyone wanting to go there when they don't have to. So congress is working on launching an ad campaign called the Travel Promotion Act to attract tourists.

But Senator Bill Nelsen is not taking any chances. Citing concerns that visitors might actually be gobbled up by giant pythons on an Everglades tour, he is pushing through a bill to ban imports of the snakes. This after a two year old child in Central Florida was recently asphyxiated by a pet python that had escaped it's cage.

Please...never mind saving the tourists, let's save the poor kids stuck in homes where the parents are so brain dead that they believe pythons and pit bulls are just the cutest things. Florida doesn't just have a python invasion, it has an invasion of some of the dumbest parents to be found anywhere. What would it take to launch a bill that has more to do with protecting kiddies and less with protecting our tourist industry?

Probably nothing less than the child of a tourist being swallowed whole in the Everglades...cha ching cha ching.

Black Bears & Snakes With Two Feet

At least the young bear had taste, he just couldn't make up his mind...was it going to be Weston, an exclusive West Broward suburb, or Wellington, more or less the same thing in Palm Beach county. Had he checked 2008 property taxes in either city he would have run for his life. Notice he has some idea of home values because he didn't go near Sunrise or Coral Springs.

But it wasn't going to be his choice anyway. Weston wasted little time in moving out the black bear, and it looks like Wellington didn't waste a minute either. Wildlife officials although they are quick to point out that black bear attacks in Florida are unheard of, have once again relocated the young male to northern Florida.

The good news is so far no one has been eaten by bears, gators or pythons in South Florida recently. But the bad news is that Florida has a real problem with finding elected & appointed state officials with any sense of ethics.

I have it on good authority that the pythons are heading northward, maybe planning on running for governor's office in the next campaign....guess they heard about all the other snakes we seem to have in the state capitol. Snakes with two feet that is. For just what is Tallahassee doing these days aside from continue to increase property taxes while devaluing homes, hike insurance rates, ensure FPL milks every penny it can from Floridians? Answer is simple. They are doing nothing. This while school enrollment and tourism has signficantly dropped, and too many people are packing their bags to relocate to states they can afford to live.

Pythons might prove a welcome relief.

Mr. Bear, you might want to consider heading for the state line until our state capitol does more than just talk the talk about home affordability. We need the jobs that pay the mortgages, and electric bills that don't rival the mortgage payment.

Most importantly we need a state government that actually works.

Python Wrestling

Just what Florida needs to bring back tourists to Ft. Lauderdale...the sport of python wrestling. Coming soon on Pay Per View we now have twenty foot pythons weighing in at over 250 pounds as they battle wildlife biologists.
Florida is now training wildlife officials in the fine art of snake wrestling since those megasnakes seem determined to make their way down the into the Keys, no doubt heading for a cold beer at Sloppy Joes.

Apparently a lot of python owners let their cute little wigglies loose once they got big enough to devour the family dog, and now they are growing in numbers so high it's considered an invasion. Kind of like the mortgage brokers that infiltrated South Florida two years ago.

And although pythons are known to prefer wild Key deer, we'll be taking no chances here in Weston...from now on the chubby chihuahua will be taking his leisurely strolls in the backyard only with a body guard.