Florida Sold for 73 Million!

Florida has reached a new all time low...not only do we graduate terrorists but now we have Rick Scott as governor?

Scott's Columbia/HCA company, the largest private for-profit health care company in the US, had to pay a record $1.7 billion dollar fine for defrauding Medicare. During deposition he pleaded the Fifth Amendment 75 times. He was forced to resign as CEO back in 1997, with his company admitting to 14 felonies. Since then Scott has been involved with multiple businesses, primarily health care and pharmaceutical related but claims no lobby ties.

Deciding to run for political office in April 2010 to oppose health care reform with his health insurance buds, Scott paid over 70 million campaign dollars out of his own pockets...not to mention the backing received from lobbyists, Blue Cross Blue Shield, the Seminoles, & Sugar Industry. A special thanks to the GOP who after calling first him a crook did a full 360 & gave him $$$ support.

Floridians you have opened the monster's cage. Don't complain when you find your fingers missing...

Kyrie Eleison.

Don't Need No Driver's License in Florida!

Problems with your driver's license? No problema, pack your bag, give me a call & I'll sell you one of our bargain basement South Florida condos. Suspended license, revoked license, no license...Florida wants to be your new home!

According to the Sun Sentinel, Florida seems to have a large number of unlicensed drivers! No shit! Seems although the sunshine state suspended or revoked over 2 million licenses, a 30% increase last year alone, the laws are so weak that instead of drivers being charged with a felony for repeated suspensions, it's only a misdemeanor. Although there is talk legislators will try (well, they say they will) to come up with new strategies such as impounding cars, nothing much seems to be stemming the tide of unlicensed South Florida drivers. Let's not forget the heir from Chicago already on probation for running someone over two years ago, whose porsche (without him even driving it!), somehow ran over two British tourists in Ft. Lauderdale last week. He sure knew where to relocate.

So if you've run into traffic law snafus, or actually run over your grandmother after you chugged back a few too many brews, start practicing your Spanish (or your Creole, Patwa, or your Korean, don't worry so much about needing English) because we could well be your new hometown. South Florida also has the honor of being voted the road rage capital of the United States, for those of you with unresolved anger management issues. Hey there new neighbor!

We hope you like sun, guns, hurricanes, foreclosures, and limited job availability. Ciao for now.

Noche Buena

For a lot of people Christmas Eve dinner is a standing rib roast or a roast turkey. But this is South Florida and hispanics rule. According to Cuban traditions it is now time for all true Hialeahians to take home the puerco for a traditional Christmas Eve roast.

So plan accordingly, a pig under 100 pounds will cost you $1.20 a pound, larger than that is $1.10 a pound plus the hitman fee. Oh you can get a frozen one but there's nothing like going down to the Cabrera slaughterhouse and have them bag the pig of your choice. After that it's up to you...either roast in a pit or use a Caja China to roast it.

So gather the family, bring out the Bacardi & get blasted just enough to forget that Florida is about the last place on the planet most of us want to be right now. I hear Obama is going to be loosening up regulations on visiting Havana. That or I may have to invest in a good pair of flippers. Felice Navidad y'all.

Florida Foreclosure Zoo

Who do we thank for all the homes with boarded windows with their lockboxes, sitting among the growing weeds?

Would it be the banks, loan consultants, mortgage brokers who handed out money to fools without verifying income...the property appraisers assigning home values without a thought to ethics or basic common sense? The realtors promising buyers their properties would only increase in value just so they could make a commission? Maybe it was the buyers themselves, taking out lines of equity they had no business taking out but then you could always argue well who gave it to them.

Looks like too many people were involved to have had it go on unnoticed. So what were Florida's finest elected officials and state regulators doing when this was going down?

Just someone please tell me why they did nothing to stop the fraud.

No Balls Tallahassee

Not to worry Floridians, your senators are hard at work in Tallahassee ensuring not only your right to blow away your neighbor and your fellow workers, but protecting your southern sensibilities from offensive truck-nutz.

For those of you not fortunate enough to own a pair, that would be the name given to the giant testicle like things that swing from under trucks, dashboard mirror or wherever it is that they might hang from. Yes sir, Senator Carey Baker, a Republican (of course) from Eustis is determined to ban the offensive trucktickles introducing a bill that tickets drivers who have them.

Before you panic, rest assured Senator Jim King, a Republican (of course) from Jacksonville who proudly boasts he once hung his favorite FSU balls in his own vehicle, will not let this bill go unchallenged.

What a tremendous relief to our entire state. Tallahassee is there for us once again.

Florida aka the Gunshine State

Florida's lawmaker's have decided to turn this into the Gunshine state. It will be up to Crist to sign Take Your Guns to Work bill, and he has already given every indication he will do so.

God help Florida.

Oh Give Me a Home Where Neanderthals Don't Roam

Oh Joy! Florida is moving into a new age as evidenced by the mere mention of evolution being taught in the public school curriculum. How long did it take our department of education to think about this before deciding to mention it to students is a little frightening. I hope they are not holding back on anything else.

Of course the subject itself can only be referred to as the theory of evolution, as a compromise to the bible whacking crowd who are having a fit over it being mentioned at all. It just goes to prove that some of us have evolved...and some have not. Still some are evolving backwards in case anyone has recently visited Floribama. Maybe evolution just hasn't quite caught on in certain parts of the deep South, or perhaps some individuals show a unique resistance to moving forward. It is enough to make one lose sleep, perhaps even entertain thoughts of relocating to Canada.

I've done some careful research, and after much thought, selected the following video which supports Darwinists everywhere...