Saturday, February 21, 2009

Don't Need No Driver's License in Florida!

Problems with your driver's license? No problema, pack your bag, give me a call & I'll sell you one of our bargain basement South Florida condos. Suspended license, revoked license, no license...Florida wants to be your new home!
According to the Sun Sentinel, Florida seems to have a large number of unlicensed drivers! No shit! Seems although the sunshine state suspended or revoked over 2 million licenses, a 30% increase last year alone, the laws are so weak that instead of drivers being charged with a felony for repeated suspensions, it's only a misdemeanor. Although there is talk legislators will try (well, they say they will) to come up with new strategies such as impounding cars, nothing much seems to be stemming the tide of unlicensed South Florida drivers. Let's not forget the heir from Chicago already on probation for running someone over two years ago, whose porsche (without him even driving it!), somehow ran over two British tourists in Ft. Lauderdale last week. He sure knew where to relocate.
So if you've run into traffic law snafus, or actually run over your grandmother after you chugged back a few too many brews, start practicing your Spanish (or your Creole, Patwa, or your Korean, don't worry so much about needing English) because we could well be your new hometown. South Florida also has the honor of being voted the road rage capital of the United States, for those of you with unresolved anger management issues. Hey there new neighbor!
We hope you like sun, guns, hurricanes, foreclosures, and limited job availability. Ciao for now.

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Sweet Home Hialeah

Hialeah has recently been put on Forbes ten most boring cities list. How this could be I cannot imagine because Hialeah is anything but boring.
It's a city that grew from a cockaroach infested agricultural flatland surrounded by brown canals into a cracked up kaleidoscope of Cuban culture. Gone are the beige and white Miami box homes, replaced by hot tropical pink concrete stuccoed palaces surrounded by iron grilled gates with statues of the Virgin Mary on every corner, or maybe St. Barbara for all I know. But hey, not just anyone could dream up what one could do with a house architecturally without ever pulling a single permit, so give Hialeaheans credit. Of course, it helps that Code Enforcement in Hialeah could always be bought for less than a bottle of good rum, but it still comes down to good old creative Cuban ingenuity and cohones.
Hialeah is not a rich city, it's a raw, fugly city where the smell of areapas & strong cuban coffee permeates every tiny strip mall, music and horns blare everywhere, and a town where you can drive as if you had never left Havana. Grab lunch from a street vendor without ever leaving your car, or even having to stop your car.

Boring? Go visit & judge for yourself.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Miami Still Ranks!

No, I don't mean it in any negative sense, that would be too easy. But for those of us living here it's nice to know that somewhere, someone would love to trade places! We may have hurricanes and our uzis but at least we are not up to our elbows in snow and most of us have never owned a pair of snow boots. Foot protection is a pair of flip flops, and anything past sleeveless is considered winter clothing.
A recent Pew Research Center survey reports that 28 percent of Americans would like to live here in Miami, beating out New York (a crappy 24%) and Las Vegas (23%)! Wow so Miami somehow ranked in the top half of the 30-city survey although Tampa and Orlando beat it out. Can't imagine why...Tampa has more drugs & crime than South Florida (although the city of Hollywood is trying real hard these days to move into first place) & Orlando is king of homicide deaths, but they do have Mickey so maybe that's it.
Still there's a lot to be said for Miami...sun, South Beach, beaches, Coral Gables, palm trees, the Grove, Little Havana, great people, some the most beautiful homes in the world not to mention zillions of foreclosures to pick from, but most importantly...the best damn Cuban food on the planet, especially Don Arturos, my all time fav. But be forewarned, there will be an artic moment coming day after tomorrow when the temps drop to a frost. Don't forget to turn off the a/c.