Friday, January 18, 2008

Florida's New Dress Code

"No hats, no hoods, no sunglasses or no service" ... at Florida banks.

Florida has another claim to fame this year. Let's hear a drum roll for the number of bank robberies in our sunshine state which has increased 40% in 2007. So the Florida bankers here have decided to prohibit the wearing of sunglasses, caps, and hoods which bank robbers use so often to prevent easy identification.

Anyone who walks in with the dated robber fashionware will promptly be shuffled off to a separate and secured area. Next year just watch, we will be doing our banking business in the buff. Oh Florida, wouldn't it have made a whole lot more sense not to have armed every idiot in the whole state with their choice of assault weapon to begin with?

Now you will have to excuse me, but I think I will start to work on my ab toning just in case they add more clothes to the list.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Disneyworld? Or Armpit of the South?

Technically Orlando is in Central, not South Florida, but it deserves a special mention, especially since it is home not only to Disneyworld, but to the largest redneck population in Florida, hands down in any contest. Orlando stands as a perfect example on the need for gun control laws in Florida. We don't have much in the way of gun control laws here for those of you planning on moving or visiting...just a lot of guns, bullets, deaths, injuries, which are increasing every year. Homicide rates are increasing in Orlando as much as they are here in Broward county, as the American gun industry consistently provides such a nice variety of arsenal to pick from.

Last week an eight year old boy was arrested in Orlando for bringing his uncle's semi automatic gun to school, (not his uncle, not his aunt, just him). It warranted only a brief mention in Orlando papers, but the astonishing news was in reading the many comments from gun fanatics there expressing concerns NOT for what could have happened to the other students....but that their guns stay their guns.

Dear, dear me but it certainly appears that we must bid an adios to Clint Eastwood with his sexy hat and masterful holster! That sexy Marlboro cowboyman of yesteryear has given birth to a rather smaller, pointier head disappointing version complete with over-sized buck teeth and all of a high school education (this probably overly generous). Optional accessories include pick up truck with gun rack of course, and a pack of younguns practicing with their own rifles, while a chorus of proud voice resonates 'My kids respect guns'.

Too sadly it looks like our future hopes are only our future dopes. Never mind being afraid of criminals with guns, until we start intelligence screening at time of gun purchase, we had better beware the typical Florida gun owner.

Even more sadly, and I try not to despair, there will never be another Clint Eastwood.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Butt Cracks in Palm Beach

The family that gets arrested together in Palm Beach, stays together.

Just recently six members of a family were arrested at a Palm Beach mall in Wellington in a scene that included 20 deputies, two canine units and a police helicopter. Police locked down the area, shut down roads leading to the mall and for what you might wonder?

In the words of a police official, "His pants were down below his butt. No one goes to the mall and wants to see the crack of someone's butt. The mall doesn't put up with that tomfoolery bullcrap."

That would be correct, a case of saggy pants in Palm Beach draws out a police arsenal only to be compared to a kidnapping. It started with an FSU student arrested for trespassing after returning to a mall he had been thrown out of for wearing his pants too low. Then both parents got into the act and were arrested, charged with trespassing, resisting an officer with violence, assault with intent to commit felony, two counts of battery on a police officer, and assault on a law enforcement officer. Then the 18 year old daughter, a Florida A & M student was charged with four counts of her own. But let's not leave out cousin Alain, 19, who was charged as well with 3 counts of his own. Then there was the 16 year old cousin who was charged as a juvenile on a battery charge. The mother and cousin had prior arrests, but insist their treatment is due to racism, as they are Haitian (not to mention true Jerry Springer material). They indicate when they visit the Palm Beach Mall, people there stare at them, and they feel unwelcome.

Sheriff's Capt. Greg Richter, Wellington's senior law enforcement officer, countered: "The family got involved and tried to intervene and tried to resist the officers and that's why they were subsequently arrested. It had nothing to do with the color of their skin. It had to do with their actions."

So the gold star of the week goes to Wellington Police in Palm Beach as they fight the brave war against butt cracks. And to think we here in Broward were so foolishly concerned about increasing homicide rates. But should you happen to see the video appear, as we all know it will, kindly send it in this direction.