Thursday, July 30, 2009

Saving Mr. Clucky

Let's all do our part today and help save the famous local activist Mr. Clucky, a victim of heartless South Beach laws demanding he go back to where he came from. This, from a geographic area that has no problem housing sex offenders under the Julia Tuttle Causeway, and accepts any immigrant that can float their way over to dry land. Do your part by clicking on the link to vote for Mr. Clucky, often seen riding on the handlebars of his owner's bike through Lincoln Road Mall. Do not let the Miami Beach City Commission exile Mr. Clucky to Hialeah!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Save Florida, Eat An Iguana

Florida seems to have more than its share of slither-ing, crawling residents.
If they're not strangling us then they're eating the local flora, especially hibiscuses.

So for those of you that can hardly wait to get even with them for destroying your landscaped backyards, check out this cook book on how to fry, stew, and even barbecue that iguana running up the palm tree....we are talking about this Iguana Cookbook, sure to become a treasured family recipe book.

And for iguana hunting tips, check out the video (turn off music box at bottom of page first) favorite part is where he throws his trophy prize in the ice box, right next to his drink...yum.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Shark Cruises Miami Streets

The good news is that it "wasn't a body" discovered last night on the streets of Miami as one relieved observer first said, given all the recent shootings in Overtown.

Nope, it was a six foot nurse shark left after two men first took him to Garcia's fish market on a bike no less, and then for a last ride on a Metromover train in downtown Miami Tuesday night. Why take a shark out for a night on the town you might ask...well they had high hopes of selling the shark meat to local fisheries at a bargain price of only only ten bucks, reasonable considering it was covered in flies. Alas, no one wanted their reeking fly covered catch of the evening.

Police are now looking for the two idiots that dragged a shark around Miami streets so they can be charged with improper killing, disposal of an animal and trying to sell a shark without a license. As for the shark, local wildlife folks just threw the body back into the ocean... A true tale from HavanaBananaLand. (turn off music box at bottom to listen to video).

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


In case you haven't heard South Florida is deputizing Python Posses to start taking out the golden giants of the Everglades.

Fearing that pythons might find their way to Tallahassee has Florida lawmakers in a tizzy, with options ranging from wild shoot outs to cook outs down here in the swamps. Cook out seems more likely as park rangers voice concerns over the number of armed crazies running around in the glades, & want take all the fun out of it by coming up with squads of trained python assassins. Party Poopers. Senator Bill Nelson's office voiced concerned that "Bounty hunting conjures up an image of `Come one, come all' and go out and start shooting around like Dick Cheney for $50 a head." Amazing how even pythons will bring out the partisan.
Nevertheless, Central Florida has Gatorland so why not a Miami Pythonville to boost local economy. Visions of snake sushi with a cold glass of pythonquila complete with tail down on South Beach are just the beginning...think of all the barbecue shacks in Homestead! Everyone has ideas.
Even Governor Crist has miraculously come out (well not completely out if that's what you were thinking) & voiced his concern that "we need to do something".
That should call for no less than a python shrine.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Florida Tourists Come First

Where oh where have the international tourists gone? Florida tourism officials are losing millions and as a result a few thousand jobs from loss of these unicorn visitors.

International visitors stay longer, spend more moula at places like Sawgrass Mall, even if we residents just laugh ourselves sick at anyone wanting to go there when they don't have to. So congress is working on launching an ad campaign called the Travel Promotion Act to attract tourists.

But Senator Bill Nelsen is not taking any chances. Citing concerns that visitors might actually be
gobbled up by giant pythons on an Everglades tour, he is pushing through a bill to ban imports of the snakes. This after a two year old child in Central Florida was recently asphyxiated by a pet python that had escaped it's cage.
Please...never mind saving the tourists, let's save the poor kids stuck in homes where the parents are so brain dead that they believe pythons and pit bulls are just the cutest things. Florida doesn't just have a python invasion, it has an invasion of some of the dumbest parents to be found anywhere. What would it take to launch a bill that has more to do with protecting kiddies and less with protecting our tourist industry?
Probably nothing less than the child of a tourist being swallowed whole in the Everglades...cha ching cha ching.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Florida the Pain Clinic State

Time to replace the mockingbird and orange blossoms. Forget the sunshine, assault weapons and mortgage fraud market! South Florida ingenuity is giving tourism a real boost, drawing regular visitors from Kentucky, Ohio, West Virginia, and Tennessee.

Broward county is now gaining a new notoriety, that of numero uno when it comes to pain clinics. Word is out, if you want to get your hands on oxycodone or percocet all you need to do is cross that Tallahassee line. It's like Disneyworld for pharmaceutical drug addicts with 100 pain clinics in the Ft. Lauderdale area alone.
Of course some of the kinks have to be worked out. Liked the problem with a thousand deaths in South Florida from prescription overdoses in 2008 alone.
Florida just passed a law creating a statewide database to monitor prescription sales in these clinics and prevent doctor shopping. Only problem is although the law takes effect Wednesday, it will be next year before the database is operational.
So for right now Florida will continue to lead the nation in oxycodone sales...and deaths.