Friday, March 27, 2009

Bestiality Still Legal in Florida

But not for long, so all you Central Florida & Florabama goat lovers will need to find another hobby. Thanks to the efforts of Senator Nan Rich, the Senate is now agreeing to make it a felony for humans to engage in animal sex. Up until now our sunshine state is one of only 16 states that refused to come between a man and his goat. But giving recent animal cruelty reports involving such sexcapades such as a man in the Panhandle accidently strangling his goat during the "act", later caught trying to abduct yet another poor goat, and a Sarasota woman taping herself doing the wild thing with two dogs, the times they are achanging. Rich’s proposal targets making “sexual gratification” from an animal an illegal act, excluding animal-husbandry practices.

The bill passed its hurdle with the Senate despite some concerned voiced by Miami Democratic Sen. Larcenia Bullard.“People are taking these animals as their husbands? What’s husbandry?” she asked. Someone explained that husbandry was the rearing and caring of animals but she still didn't quite get it questioning further, "So that maybe could have been the reason the lady was so upset about that monkey?", referring to the crazed chimpanzee who ate the poor woman in N.Y.

Nevertheless, despite having a senator here and there that is dumber than the goats the bill will protect, it is expected to pass, and domestic animals everywhere in Florida will be able to turn to their demented human lovers and insist Baaa really does mean no.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Python Wrestling

Just what Florida needs to bring back tourists to Ft. Lauderdale...the sport of python wrestling. Coming soon on Pay Per View we now have twenty foot pythons weighing in at over 250 pounds as they battle wildlife biologists.
Florida is now training wildlife officials in the fine art of snake wrestling since those megasnakes seem determined to make their way down the into the Keys, no doubt heading for a cold beer at Sloppy Joes.

Apparently a lot of python owners let their cute little wigglies loose once they got big enough to devour the family dog, and now they are growing in numbers so high it's considered an invasion. Kind of like the mortgage brokers that infiltrated South Florida two years ago.

And although pythons are known to prefer wild Key deer, we'll be taking no chances here in Weston...from now on the chubby chihuahua will be taking his leisurely strolls in the backyard only with a body guard.