Goat Head Soup

Santeria practitioners have been sent to the back of the bus when it comes to animal sacrificing in Broward county. Goats and chickens in Ft. Lauderdale can heave a sigh of relief knowing that the only place in South Florida they are not safe would be in the greater Miami/Hialeah area. If they are smart domestic animals they will stick far north of the Palmetto.

There is an estimated 100,000 people practicing the Santeria religion in South Flo, and if you want more information on animal sacrificing techniques you can either visit the Lukimi church in Hialeah, or take a course in Afro Cuban Divination at FIU this fall (I swear to God). Practitioners cite their rights to tack goat heads to trees under religious freedom laws, and hope that tolerance for ritualistically skinned animals improves. Oh, yeah, that is going to happen here in Weston. Can't you just see the quaint little Santeria shop opening next to Starbucks?

My only personal experience with the dark side was to stumble upon a fully dressed chicken (minus a head) sitting tied to a small chair in the middle of the road. If you have any idea what this might represent, feel free to chime in...

Disney World Says No to Guns at Work

Well it looks like Mickey Mouse & pals had the balls to say no when our irresponsible legislators and senators lacked the courage to do just that. This no would be Disney's response to the infamous although recent Preservation and Protection of the Right to Keep and Bear Arms in Motor Vehicles Act of 2008, the gun bill that encourages lunatic employees throughout Florida to store their guns in their work vehicles (makes going postal all the more convenient don't you know?)

Disney cited exemption under a clause in the bill due to their use and storage of explosives, which exempts companies from complying with the lunacy bill sponsored by Sen. Durell Peaden who is now having a stroke objecting, "Not Disney...not at all!!"

Don't worry tourists, Disneys zero tolerance for bringing firearms to work will be grounds for termination at most Disney properties not including the Disney Cruise Line parking lots or Vero Beach Resort. On the other hand you may really want to rethink that trip to Sea World where they proudly proclaim supporting employees rights to bring guns to that tourist resort parking lot.

Hats off to Mickey for trying to stop the gun madness that has swept Florida. One can only surmise that the NRA dollars don't seem to sway Disney quite the way they have affected Florida's elected representatives.

Hookers On Wheels

Miami Beach undercover police busted a riding brothel on wheels this week after paying the $40. bus fare just to climb on board. After paying for $20.00 lap dances (how many?) and a $125.00 entrance fee to the private curtained VIP section where they were promised the time of their lives, police arrested three prostitutes & assorted friends.

All this as the sleek black cruiser bus rolled down Collins Avenue. Yes, the officers claim they showed their badges and did not remove their clothing, although they did admit to enjoying a vodka with cranberry juice.

For those of you tourists following South Florida market prices, the going price for a blow job on Collins would be $100.



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Florida #2 Gun Runners!

Much to everyone's surprise Florida lost the number one spot in gun exportation to Georgia according to the latest Brady report. Still Florida managed to export 2,328 guns last year to stronger gun control states (that would be about any state but this one), guns that were then used in crimes.

They couldn't have done it without the help of most of our state representatives and legislators, not to mention our governor. So it's no surprise that while most of the nation shows a decrease in crime according to FBI stats, South Florida shows an increase, especially in homicides.

But if this year has been any indication, you all just wait and watch Florida rise to number one Gun runner in the nation come next year given the faithful support of the NRA lobbyists. Tallahassee has deep pockets, and you can bet it's not to hold any of our homegrown oranges either.

Sawgrass Mall Wins!

It's official...Sawgrass Mall, that sacred tourist highlight of many a tour, now ranks as having the highest number of robberies in South Florida. Not only highest, but at a glance easily triple or quadruple other malls.

This gives those of us in Weston have very good reason to warmly welcome our potentially new stomping grounds, The Commons, if it ever gets built. It will be so nice to park and walk into a mall without having to pack one's magnum. Not that I have a magnum. No way would I ruin the shape of one of my purses. But until the city of Weston decides to stop locking horns with Davie over The Commons, I'll have to settle for packing the Chihuahua instead.

Pudgy dogs get can get so mean on an empty stomach that I will have nothing to fear.

Better Than Sex?

There is a new dessert restaurant opening in Key West called Better Than Sex, offering such specialties as Pumpin Pie and Pop My Cherry Cheesecake. It's said to be shocking even to the Key Westers because up until now the only thing they thought better than sex was fishing.

But for those of you who really want to check out some of the best authentic Florida Keys desserts you can make at home just clink on the link and get started. There are also some interesting recipes for Gator tacos and Green Iguana Soup in case you are into a more balanced diet.

As for me, I will stick with the key lime pie recipe or even better run out to Cold Stone Creamery for the best ice cream on the planet.

Burma Dies, We Watch

Millions of people are starving to death in Burma and somehow the most powerful nations in the world are helpless in a silent death watch. Or should I say they act helpless.

Since when did diplomatic etiquette take precedence over courage and integrity?

We can commit to a war in Iraq for the next five years where we are not wanted....but we turn a deaf ear to a nation crying for help. A nation where monks are gunned down, villages burnt to the ground, and where disease and starvation are killing over a million people. The genocide of the Burmese occurs with the silent conspiracy of the western nations, and the impotent United Nations.

Still we plan on holding the Olympics in a nation that supports the butcherers of the Burmese. Our own president is planning on attending.

The dying people of Burma have become the shame of our planet.