Cone of Death

Here we go again, the cone of uncertain death pointed at South Florida, with two tropical systems causing normal...well relatively so....Floridians to run over old ladies in Publix to get drinking water, & fight to the death to get a tank of gas. But for those of us who dare not to fear here are some basic provisions to get through a hurricane....my very own personal hurricane list:

**Buy a Generator, any generator will do, * a bottle of Light Rum & Fresh Limes & mint *Wine coolers *cat food *dog food *parrot food *toilet paper* South Beach Diet Bars & dinners * the latest DVDs. When your husband comes home with twenty bags of chips and bagels do not let him enter until he eats them all. Make sure you stock up on valium for the dog unless he prefers the rum. Throw out the cans of tuna, no one will eat it , use the five hundred candles & batteries still sitting from last year along with the tons of bottled water never touched.

Then, this is the most important survival tip, make pitcher after pitcher of fresh Mojitos, the Cuban Mojito is the best, freezing them into as many ice cubes as the freezer can hold...you get the idea. Usual dose is to melt two in your mouth as needed.

Hurricane Preparation

So another storm, maybe a hurricane, maybe not, is headed for South Florida. My unofficial list of hurricane supplies based on my years of hurricane experience is as follows:

Cat litter (very important unless you want to hold kitty out the window by it's ears)

Microwave frozen dinners....screw tuna fish, the generator can run at least that much.

Relatively new DVDs (again, don't forget the importance of gas in the generator).

Toilet paper

Tampons

Water....ice....a few bottles of pinot grigio...maybe some limes and a bottle of dark Myers rum because you know you're going to go outside if there is an eye right?

Finally, and most important, do not let any men of the household get hurricane rations because they will only come back with a hundred bags of chips, pretzels, nuts, crackers, cookies and you will end up 100 pounds heavier by the end of the storm. They are only allowed to get the water, wait in line for gas, and take cash out of the ATM.

And don't forget the importance of getting your nails done because it could be a while.

Almost sounds like just another day in South Florida.