Don't Need No Driver's License in Florida!

Problems with your driver's license? No problema, pack your bag, give me a call & I'll sell you one of our bargain basement South Florida condos. Suspended license, revoked license, no license...Florida wants to be your new home!

According to the Sun Sentinel, Florida seems to have a large number of unlicensed drivers! No shit! Seems although the sunshine state suspended or revoked over 2 million licenses, a 30% increase last year alone, the laws are so weak that instead of drivers being charged with a felony for repeated suspensions, it's only a misdemeanor. Although there is talk legislators will try (well, they say they will) to come up with new strategies such as impounding cars, nothing much seems to be stemming the tide of unlicensed South Florida drivers. Let's not forget the heir from Chicago already on probation for running someone over two years ago, whose porsche (without him even driving it!), somehow ran over two British tourists in Ft. Lauderdale last week. He sure knew where to relocate.

So if you've run into traffic law snafus, or actually run over your grandmother after you chugged back a few too many brews, start practicing your Spanish (or your Creole, Patwa, or your Korean, don't worry so much about needing English) because we could well be your new hometown. South Florida also has the honor of being voted the road rage capital of the United States, for those of you with unresolved anger management issues. Hey there new neighbor!

We hope you like sun, guns, hurricanes, foreclosures, and limited job availability. Ciao for now.

Fake Driver's License Franchises, Palm Beach Style

Recently floated here from Haiti? Moved down from New York with a suspended license? On the run from Georgia police for marrying your 11 year old cousin? Not problema papi. We have just the solution for you and yours.

This thanks to Homeland Security which since 911 ironically makes it extra difficult for illegal immigrants and felons to get driver's licenses, giving birth to a new kind of crime.....market fronts and on line sites that allow just about anyone to get an international driver's license. The real thing is indistinguishable from the bogus, even to traffic cops. The police have no way to check out foreign driver's licenses and can only go through the International Criminal Police Organization. So they rely on pictures of licenses from different countries distributed (I swear to God) by beer companies. God bless coronas once again for their contribution to Florida society.

But back to the advice column... if you are dodging INS or the FBI, don't stress yourself out by standing in line at the local DMV where they might expect you to take a sign test at the very least. Here's all you do....

Head for Palm Beach county where certain Delray Beach stores are selling the "international driver's licenses". If you missed the $99 "international driver's license" sale, advertised in Spanish just across the street from the Lake Worth Police Department, don't worry. You can bet a certain Check Cashing Stop will be have their annual holiday driver's license discount sale.

Federal Trade Commission reports a fake license sells for $65 to $350 and despite their best efforts, remain available in hometown storefronts or on the Internet. Check out the International Automobile Driver's Center which offers "international driving documents" including a photo, and $75 for next-day delivery, according to the application. Tallahassee could learn from this.

Almost as easy as terrorists getting their pilot's license in Florida... and you don't even have to pass a road test.