Mickey Rourke and A Mint Green Vespa Give Inspiration

I want one, I really do....a vespa, not a Mickey.

Ever since I saw one in Roman Holiday, I have wanted my own vespa scooter. There's a Vespa store off Federal Highway that always has the most adorable scooters parked outside, all in the pastel colors of your choice, of course. I wonder if that's where Mickey bought his mean green machine but he probably went to the one off Alton Road in Miami Beach. I don't know how safe they are (vespas not actors), especially when driven under the influence, something a certain green vespa driver has probably done a zillion times before.
It's even said Mr. Rourke drives with his chihuahuas... who knows, maybe they are drunk too. My chihuahua justs acts like he's drunk...chasing the squirrels on my screen saver, attacking t.v. canines on the Dog Whisperer.

Back to vespas....they drive vespas if you go over to the west coast to Sanibel or Captiva Island but I can't imagine negotiating one on I-75 or the Palmetto. Not with the way South Florida drivers attack the roadways with the same gusto Bush showed invading Iraq, cruising while simultaneously polishing fingernails, reading the paper, or finishing a bottle of Captain Morgan, a la Mr. Rourke.

My favorite hated roads to take note of, with the kraziest baddest ass drivers in Dade & Broward county are as follows:

1. First place goes to The Palmetto Expressway (826) for having the most seriously deranged roadsters on the planet, with close seconds to 49th street in Hialeah, and anywhere on Flagler Street. These are my people, do I need to say more....

2. Second place would be 595 in West Broward for the rudest, most aggressive, own the road mentality idiots. I do believe they live in my Stepford hometown development otherwise known as Weston, although I do not include myself in that group, of course.

3. Third place is I-95 in Dade or Broward for the wildest ride to be had if you enjoy being tailgated, cut off or flipped off, and where you will sit for a full day if there is an kind of any accident. Bring your portable potty and food supplies if you travel on this sucka.

Feel free to send in your own personal favorites. Or just take the little poll off to the side, hope you can find it in my messy side post closet.

In the meantime I will explore timeshares on Captiva where one day soon my cute aqua blue vespa waits for me.... where if I indulge the call of the Captain (or a nice merlot) I would at least have the sense to leave my scooter sans chihuahua leaning against a shady palm.