Better Than Sex?

There is a new dessert restaurant opening in Key West called Better Than Sex, offering such specialties as Pumpin Pie and Pop My Cherry Cheesecake. It's said to be shocking even to the Key Westers because up until now the only thing they thought better than sex was fishing.

But for those of you who really want to check out some of the best authentic Florida Keys desserts you can make at home just clink on the link and get started. There are also some interesting recipes for Gator tacos and Green Iguana Soup in case you are into a more balanced diet.

As for me, I will stick with the key lime pie recipe or even better run out to Cold Stone Creamery for the best ice cream on the planet.

Burma Dies, We Watch

Millions of people are starving to death in Burma and somehow the most powerful nations in the world are helpless in a silent death watch. Or should I say they act helpless.

Since when did diplomatic etiquette take precedence over courage and integrity?

We can commit to a war in Iraq for the next five years where we are not wanted....but we turn a deaf ear to a nation crying for help. A nation where monks are gunned down, villages burnt to the ground, and where disease and starvation are killing over a million people. The genocide of the Burmese occurs with the silent conspiracy of the western nations, and the impotent United Nations.

Still we plan on holding the Olympics in a nation that supports the butcherers of the Burmese. Our own president is planning on attending.

The dying people of Burma have become the shame of our planet.

No Balls Tallahassee

Not to worry Floridians, your senators are hard at work in Tallahassee ensuring not only your right to blow away your neighbor and your fellow workers, but protecting your southern sensibilities from offensive truck-nutz.

For those of you not fortunate enough to own a pair, that would be the name given to the giant testicle like things that swing from under trucks, dashboard mirror or wherever it is that they might hang from. Yes sir, Senator Carey Baker, a Republican (of course) from Eustis is determined to ban the offensive trucktickles introducing a bill that tickets drivers who have them.

Before you panic, rest assured Senator Jim King, a Republican (of course) from Jacksonville who proudly boasts he once hung his favorite FSU balls in his own vehicle, will not let this bill go unchallenged.

What a tremendous relief to our entire state. Tallahassee is there for us once again.

Florida aka the Gunshine State

Florida's lawmaker's have decided to turn this into the Gunshine state. It will be up to Crist to sign Take Your Guns to Work bill, and he has already given every indication he will do so.

God help Florida.

Horny Gator Cruises Streets

It's that time of year again. When the sun and humidity makes the natives a little too hot for their own skin. Humans take to tank tops and flip flops, and gators take to the streets of Ft. Lauderdale looking for a lithe gator mate.

At least that's what one 10 foot gator appeared to be prowling for as he stopped traffic in Tamarac this morning as he cruised along State Road 7 and the Turnpike, all 400 pounds of him. Wildlife trappers removed him to a processing plant due to his large size rather than release him back into the club lands of South Florida.

See valuable safety tips in the Native Danger guide above on things one should remember when it comes to gators....such as not keeping one as a pet and seeking medical help if bitten. Glad they cleared that one up.

Take Your Uzi To Work Day

Living in Florida has just got a little safer. Yes sir, in the state where you can't order lunch at Wendy's without being annihilated by bullets, nor argue with your neighbor over the lawn without being shot dead, now you get to pack your gun for work. Imagine the convenience when your boss tries to fire you. You won't have to wait for the ride home to point your gun at the guy who cuts you off; you can go postal where it really counts!

State representatives, mostly republicans pushed through HB 503 Take Your Gun to Work this week and although Democrats fought, they didn't fight hard enough. Despite concerns voiced by Florida Chamber of Commerce and other business groups, the voice of reason was drowned out by the gun industry's version of the trinity: The Uzi, the Semi, and the Saturday Night Special. You can bet our NRA butt kissing senators and Crist will do their mighty best to lay alms at the gun industry's feet by passing this through as well. The bill gives employees the right to keep the gun in their car as long as they have a concealed permit. Yeah, we all feel better about that.

On the up side, I hear Florida business owners will be able to deduct the cost of bullet proof vests as a justifiable expense.

Tallahassee, you guys got to be on crack.

Tallahassee Toilet Paper Police

Never fear! The Tallahassee Toilet Paper Police Squad is here!

In a state where population growth in South Florida is diminishing due to taxes, crimes, shootings, reduced law enforcement and justice budgets our Florida legislators still manage to remain focused on the more critical issues such as trying to pass laws making toilet paper rolls a requirement in public bathrooms.

Never mind that sanitation guidelines strictly require this, it was not enough for Senator Victor Crista (Republican from Tampa) who had a life changing experience in a restaurant bathroom stall with an empty roll and no soap. Representative Betty Reed (Democrat from Tampa) agreed with him in her unfortunate experience not realizing the roll was empty until it was TOO LATE. Dear God.

Despite their touching stories of personalized trauma, HB 437 went into the shredder. Can you imagine if it hadn't? What would happen to special interest groups as a result? But don't worry lobbyists, your jobs still look secure.

Feel free to send your donated containers of Wet Ones to Betty and Victor, who by now are no doubt working hard on legislation to require bidets in the state capitol.